So, the reason I’ve gone months without discussing my transition or showing myself is because I’ve detransitioned. In the two years since I started hormones in May 2015, I kept getting steadily more and more depressed. Around last March or so I hit a real low point in my life. I didn’t enjoy doing anything anymore, I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t even want to talk to people. So, in June and July I destranitioned.
First, let me say that just because I did this doesn’t mean I think people transitioning is bad, nor would I tell people not to do it. I would tell them to seriously think about it. You should weigh the positives and the negatives, and not rush to a decision.
I consider my transition was similar to a marriage that ended in divorce. It all seemed so wonderful and amazing at first, and I was happy to commit to it. Over time more problems kept coming up that weren’t addressed or solved, but I held out hope everything would work out in the end. However, I reached a point where I just couldn’t keep going with what my life had become and I had to end it. So, like a marriage that ends in a divorce, just because my transition didn’t work out doesn’t mean that other people can’t have transitions that lead to a lifetime of happiness. Me detransitioning doesn’t take away anything from people who are immensely happy they’ve done it, and vice versa.
Before I transitioned, I only went to a therapist for a month, and they never had a client with gender identity issues. So, I rushed to get approval to start hormones without stopping to think if this was really the answer to my problems. It’s not the therapist’s fault, it’s my own. The new therapist I’ve been seeing for almost six months does specialize in gender identity. So, for people who are considering on transitioning, take your time to really think about it, and see a specialist with experience. That being said, a therapist can’t diagnose you with gender dysphoria like it’s a virus, they help you make the decision whether it’s right for you. Also, make sure you’re getting into it for the right reasons, and have realistic exceptions for what will happen.
To wrap things up, I’m much happier with my life since I made this decision. I appreciate what I have now, and I’m not trying to force myself to be someone else. I haven’t had any regrets about detransitioning since the reversal surgery in July, and I’ve gotten rid of all my former female things. As for the site and the content we make, I still do enjoy the subject matter, I just no longer imagine myself in those scenarios. If anything, it allows me to be more objective in what stories are done to focus on what fans enjoy. So, please stop referring to me as ‘she’, and I’m happy to be called ‘he’ and Sam.